Getting the Fire Back in Your Marriage - Part 2

Leadership starts at home and if you want to lead but your marriage is struggling it’s going to affect how you show up at work and in ministry. In today’s episode, Micah and I continue talking about getting the fire back in marriage. 1 Corinthians 13 is a familiar passage of scripture often read at wedding ceremonies. It describes the ideal love that we are all striving to give and to receive. If we’re going to grow in our marriage, these are the ways we can build that fire back up.

“[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:7-8) 

1. Love BEARS all things.

  • This does not mean you accommodate unjust treatment.
  • It means that you don’t give up easily.
  • It requires learning how to forgive each other.
  • Humble yourself, own your mistakes, and be willing to say, “I’m sorry.”

2. Love BELIEVES all things.

  • This does not mean you have a naïve, blind trust in someone.
  • It means believing in the One who calls you to love your spouse.
  • You live out that love by believing what God’s Word teaches in how to interact with your spouse.

3. Love always HOPES.

  • This does not mean having a naïve optimism.
  • It means maintaining hope in the God who empowers you to love.
  • Your love for Christ, and His love for you, leads you to hope in Him knowing your future is secure.

4. Love ENDURES.

  • This means sustaining the assaults of the enemy, never quitting, and persevering through suffering and hardship.
  • Problems in marriage are a pathway to discover what real love is.
  • The problem may simply be not knowing how to react to your spouse in love.
  • We have to stay calm and pursue God’s definition of love. When you stay calm you can stay connected. 

In his book, “Self-Centered Marriage,” Hal Runkel describes the "Five Ways We Scream in Marriage:"

  1. Literal screaming; aggressive, open conflict
  2. Distance ourselves
  3. Cut ourselves off
  4. Over/under Pattern
  5. Triangulate others

Do you want to get the fire back? You’ve got to stay calm and bear all things in love.

Here are some practical steps to take: 

  1. Identify yourself - which reactive mechanism do you tend to fall into?
  2. Confront yourself - realize it’s not helpful and it’s sinful, repent,  recognize the negative effects it’s having on your marriage.
  3. Get help – book, podcast, spiritual leader or counselor, read the Bible together


  • God’s love for you will never fail.
  • Jesus is calling you to love your spouse like He loves you.
  • We experience Christ’s love first, then we try to extend that love to our spouse. 

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